Unless you live in a cave or under a rock, we all have been bombarded with news of allegations and direct accusations of sexual harassment, misbehavior and gross child perversion. This is NOT a political problem or a socio-economic problem, this is a world wide epidemic.
The problem is that this epidemic has been going on for years and even centuries, but because it is about a sexual issue people have considered it taboo. We have even treated it as a personal or familiar problem, so we as the public should not get involved in family issues. Husbands freely raped their wives and never found themselves convicted of any crime because the authorities considered this a domestic issue.
But lately, in the past 2 months, there was a shift. A shift so grand that we all felt the 9.0 earthquake and are still reeling from aftershocks with no relief in sight. But sometimes from the horror of such a large quake something happens, something beautiful and good is born. Lets hope this is the case in this matter.
So, to go back for a second: my SEVERAL me too moments. And lets be clear, I am not going to mention names or blame anyone, because I dealt with these issues a long long time ago and no longer feel the effects. However, for a long time, (my entire 20’s & 30’s), I kept telling myself that no one event would define who I was. And for the most part that was true, but what I had not noticed that I was the sum of all these events and they DID effect me. Not in the classic way that I was violent or depressed but they did set me off in a track or a road that I was ill-equipped to deal with.
1st event, We all have that dirty uncle. Well mine proceeded to chase me around the dining room table, when no one was looking and tried to kiss me. I was disgusted by the thought and ran. I threatened to tell my parents but never did. Only when I was 18 and I told my boyfriend and he threatened to kick his ass, did it ever stop.
It turned out that both my parents and my uncle’s wife knew and they would tell him to cut it out, but never with any authority. His wife somehow convinced herself that it was my fault because I was a flirt. I also learned he did this with every female cousin or family friend. They learned to tell a boyfriend and it ended for all of us. For me the great disappointment was that my mom knew and never protected me.
The 2nd one was worse. I was 14 and a family member who I loved dearly and looked up to with great admiration sweet talked me into having sex with him 2 times. It is now a blur and for years I blamed myself as much as him for what had occurred. I know now that he used his age and influence over me to make me feel like I had to. Needless to say that person is no longer in my life and never will be.
The 3rd event was my 1st boyfriend. The first guy my parents met and whose parents I met. We, in my mind, were going to be married and live happily every after. He and I were sexual but this was consensual. What wasn’t was that he talked me into proving my love for him by preforming a sexual act on his best friend.
All 3 happened before my 18th birthday and none of them defined me but all three together set me on a road of self destruction, that even I didn’t expect or understand until I was 40 years old and I found my 1st true love……ME.
There were others but none of those hurt as much as these. They were blips and I was a woman, I could handle myself differently and I had a voice. But these 3 were in a time that I had no voice. it was a time when I was not only finding our who I was but how I stood for myself and spoke for myself.
Mind you I am not looking for pity or for anyone to say anything about this. But when I read all the posts about the weak liberals or the uptight conservatives. — when they say because of political stands, people are allowing behavior….I call bullshit.
Sexual harassment and abuse takes all prisoners. They take every woman and girl in, regardless of feelings or thoughts or political orientation. This is a problem that we are facing as a society. When half the population can’t look at the other half as a whole human to be respected, but instead as an object to fulfill their sexual appetite, what are we saying? We are the ones raising the men of the future. We need to remember that we need to raise them to respect the girls as much as the girls need to respect the men, not because they are better, stronger or more powerful but because without one the other would not exists.
CONFUSED ON HOW TO ACT?
HERE ARE SOME HELPFUL HINTS
- If you are a man and your pants are talking louder than your brain, maybe you have a problem
- If you are in a meeting with a woman and have a deep need to touch her in a way that has a sexual overtone to it, you have a problem.
- If you feel that you can’t be trusted to have a one on one meeting with a woman without saying something with sexual overtones, you have a problem.
- If you long for the days when you can draw a boob or penis without someone being offended, you have a problem.
- If you long for the days that you can tell a woman she is sexy without her being offended, maybe look around you. Where are you, in the office? Problem. At the bar? Might be OK.
- If you have no clothes on and she is still fully dressed with a look of shock on her face, politely put your clothes on and apologize for misunderstanding the situation. Leave the room without any further comments.
- Wish you lived in the days of Mad Men? Yeah you don’t, we now have laws and have evolved in society.
I hope you all can speak of your Me Too without issues or fear of any repercussions because it is a relief to tell someone.