How do I hate you……Let me count the ways…….

i hate peoplePeople always say I hate people equally, that is so not true!!!  I hate everyone for very different reasons.  But let’s be clear, as the years pass, I am hating humanity lately.  Please allow me to elaborate.

Prissy or Fake women…..I really dislike woman that think about the appearance more than they think about the words coming out of their mouth.  If you have a thought, mull it over, give it a mental run, and then say it.  I knew a Colombian lady (friend of my mom) I swear had her lipstick surgically attached to her hand.  She applied lipstick every 5-10 min.

TRUE STORY …. Met a lady the other day, who offered my husband & I coffee.  She asked her boyfriend how many cups she should make.  To which he replies “For that size cup make about 5 cups” And what do you think she says….” Sorry love but the pot says 2, 4, 6 cups, not sure where to stop with the water” I WAS LIKE……WHAT THE FUCK!!!!   His excuse for her stupidity is that she has always been “taken care of” and what they took care of your fucking brain!!!!????

Men in general…..I love men, they are sexy and strong and I love love love the way they smell when they apply a cologne that matches their chemistry.  But when a man uses the “truth” as an excuse to be a douche-bag, which is where I draw the line.  Example, day 1 of the relationship…he tells her he is not ready for a serious relationship.  Then proceeds to date this girl and by all appearances it is exclusive.  He either is dating her exclusively or is REALLY good at hiding the other girls.  He proceeds to shower her with attention, tells her he loves her and then lowers the boom when she expects the relationship to move to the next step.  Or is caught cheating.  He is applaud because of that opening disclaimer.  WTF guy…….then keep repeating it and done act like she is the beginning and the end to you.  Don’t make it seem like the relationship is going to progress.

The Pretty boy… know what I am talking about ladies.  That guy who is really good looking and knows it.  He is not useless to the general public.  He walks to his own internal music “I’m too sexy for this world, I’m too sexy I know” you can almost hear the melody.

Children in General …….OK OK I don’t hate all kids, I really don’t like the kids of today…….let me explain before you lynch me.  I remember when I was a kid, we respected our parents and teachers.  I called my teacher by the respectful name such as Mr. Martucci (biology teacher) Mr. Ziggler etc etc.  I walked places and didn’t expect my mom to pick me up from Bergenline Ave just because I wanted to stroll around shopping.  Nor did I expect her to pay for it all.  Also, when Mrs. Farley called my mom for me doing something that was stupid.  My mom tended to believe her first and then maybe me.

I’ll use my own kids as an example….When I tell my kids, he clean up the yard, they tell me wait a second they are busy and proceed to never clean up the yard. My high school age kids, calls her teacher Rob not Mr. Roberts and texts him when she has a questions or emails her other teachers.  She tells me I am crazy or expects all sorts of financial rewards for nothing. I see my cousins kids playing all sorts of sports but my cousins chauffer them around.  My parents were ok join but make sure you get there and back.  Cause I have work and other shit to do.

Have you been shopping and hear a kid screaming at the top of their lungs and the parents want to strangle, punch or kick them but are too afraid that someone will call Child Services.


Colleagues…..OMG where to begin, I have these 2 specific ones that I can’t stand.  He walks around with his head down looking at his feet, hands in his hoodie pockets and drags his flip flop shoes.  I say good morning he looks at me and doesn’t acknowledge what I just said.  She is loud and ridiculous and so never ever says good morning or good night.  They talk to each other through a wall but if I am on the phone they slam their office doors.  He is mad at me because I changed our payroll from 1 time a month to bi-monthly.  Now he has to change his settings. Mind you this change came at the bequest of the owner.  But he hates me because I announced the change to the entire company.

Colleagues are rude and bring in food that when warmed up in a microwave stinks up the entire office and don’t seem to notice.  Someone actually brought in a kale salad and it stunk up the place.  I was asked, “Hey who farted?”  I looked at them “NOT FUCKING ME!!”

Old people…….because they make me nervous and they smell old.  I know that is fucked up.  But they remind me constantly that I am going to be there soon and I keep thinking…..What can I do not to smell old?

Family…..because some of them take advantage of the love you feel for them and use you.  For money or favors or both.  They feel entitled to all your stuff even though they didn’t work for it.  Or there is the other side.  They have more than you and you for the most part are happy for them (but down deep deep inside you wonder how the fuck they did it) and they treat you like a 2nd class citizen because you have not amounted enough things like they did.  Well fuck it, if that is how you’re going to be I don’t like you.


So you see it’s not that I hate everyone….It’s that I ……OH FUCK IT……I HATE EVERYONE.


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